Still using...

M says he "might" be using. He has to get away from S. I haven't filed the police report. why??? I am asking myself that same thing. He needs to get help. He needs to not break any more laws. I am very worried about him. I called him and he was at S house. He says he's not staying there but I don't know. she needs to get out of his life forever. He needs to find a nice girl who really cares about him. I hope he will.

worse than ever...

The addiction is worse than ever for M. We discovered he was stealing money out our ATM account. He and S were taking my ATM card, using it, then returning the card to my wallet. It is over $1,000. I know they were taking cash too. I put his name on the report so he will be caught and arrested. I need to fill out the police report. I'm dragging my feet. He needs to get his life in order. I cant stand the thought of this all happening to him.

A Calm Time

For the moment, everything seems to be going along smoothly. M is appearing to be clean and sober. B is working with M and seems okay. Although we came home on Sat night and our truck was gone and B does not have a drivers license. We got him and the truck back quickly. C and S are doing fine, no jobs but they have unemployment for right now. E still has not spoken to us since the crazy wife had her temper tantrum. I hope he comes around with C and we can have a relationship with them. If not, it will just be a shame that he grew up to act that way. So for now, it's quiet on the home front. Maybe I can start to have a life again?

I knew it...

Okay, so I invited E and J for dinner. I wanted to see the kids and have everyone over. Iknew something was going on because of the cold shoulder I was getting from J. Well, we had a nice swim, dinner, and I was making ice cream cones for everyone and suddenly J and E were missing. I heard them argueing in the bathroom and then J comes flying out and yelling for A to get her things there were going right now! So then, E and J were outside fighting and the little bitch was screaming at E and she comes in a yanks C out of my arms screams that this time it's not my fault, but it usually is. She runs out to the car after she throws the carseat into the back seat. A goes running out and I go out too. M and B, C and S, all went out. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for the most drama, that she is going to get a divorce and it's all my fault. After a long arguement between her and I and E yelling once in a while, they took off out of the driveway. M yells to at least let the kids stay here. They brought A back and she was crying and crying and so was I. J the bitch says that I only cry to make everyone feel sorry for me which is a big fat stupid lie. I cry when I get overwhelmed with the situation and she totally hurt my feelings by saying the only aruging her and E do is over me and A. Well, she can go blow her brains out or do whatever, run home to her mom and dad because I don't care. If she happens to get a divorce she cannot blame me. She is such a jerk. I wish it wasn't like this but it is. She says she has a list of 25 things I've done that have made her mad. Who cares? Not me. I could probably make a list of 100 things she's done, but I'm trying to get along, but not now. It's too bad. It could have been a lot of fun. They say I think I'm A's mom. which I do not. I've never acted like that at all. I'm not sure what to do. I' guess give them some breathing room. I hope I never have to see her again. Too bad, I don't want to miss out on C's life and I love my son but she doesn't want us involved with them.

Always something

I guess with a big family there is always some trouble or something. Now E and his wife are unhappy with me. I guess I did something to bother them or just the wife. I don't know what, and I would like to try to fix the problem. I am bothered to think the new wife wants me to stay away from A. I've only seen C a few times since he's been home from the hospital. I would go over there but J doesn't make be feel at all welcome. I'm not sure why. She is causing problems with us and I do not like it at all.

WTF???

So I got home and right away the phone rings and there is a complaint about M and the gf and they've been at the condo in the clubhouse hanging around. They don't want them there and the police will be called if they stay there or go there again. Nice. Then when B is done with his drug class, he is slurring his speech. I know he's been using something. Then he is sleeping at dinner time, when I wake him up, he is very stoned, on something. I accuse him, he denies it. I accuse him, he denies it. Finally, he admits to using xanax, again. This is the reason he is expelled from school. I guess he didn't learn from that trouble, from the trouble last week on Monday, from having to go to indy school, from having to go to drug classes. He is a big fat liar. He said he wouldn't do it anymore. I don't even know if that is what he was on. It could be something else or a combo of things. I am so scared for these kids and very angry. I need some support. I need to be able to be calm again. This sucks. Today I have to cancel our trip to the beach because these kids are so rotten and don't deserve to go.

End, day 2

M is having a better attitude regarding his withdrawl symptoms. I ask if I can do anything and he says no, but he'll let me know. He decided to attend the N/A meeting. When he came out he said it was interesting. I'm glad he went. I'm encouraging him to go daily. He knew some people there. I don't think he saw the gf. He went to the school to play basketball. I want him to sweat out the toxins. He's really sore tonight. Day 3 is supposed to be the worst day, tomorrow. I am leaving for a few days. I was not going to go but I am going. Big brother and his gf are staying here with M and B. They should be able to handle it. He just needs to do the right thing. Don't we all?

Calming down

Day 2, in the afternoon. Things are calming down a little. M seems to be on the right path. He's sore, his legs mostly, but has a good attitude. I think he's ready to get rid of the devil that has gotten ahold of him and move on. We will go to N/A this afternoon. I've never been???

Day 2, already???

That was sarcasm... Anyway, M is aching, especially his legs. He is remorseful too, at the moment. I talked with him for a long time about the gf and how she is damaged and there is not anything he can do about it. Her mom did it and my son is not an expert. This relationship is only destined to bring him tons of heartache. He needs to concentrate on himself and getting cleaned up. I had an apptmt but couldn't go because I'm terrified to leave him alone. We will go to N/A tonight for the first time. I hope it can help him. He has lots of support if nothing else. He asked if it would make me happy to call her right away and break up. Maybe that was his way of saying he wants to break up with her? I told her I want him to clean up so he can make healthy decisions. He is so handsome and sweet, another girl won't be far behind. He doesn't see that yet.

Still Day 1????????????

This has been the longest day of my life. M left with the gf against our wishes. He says he did not use H. I'm not sure. He is still sick so that is a good sign. He did come home. He says he did smoke M. He can't sleep so far tonight. I understand that is a sympton of getting clean. He's starting to bug me. When I ask how he's doing he says, as good as can be expected. I'm tired of his poor-me attitude. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. He is acting like a child not a young man of 20 y.o. We'll see what the rest on tonight and tomorrow bring. I got rid of all illigal drup paraphenalia I could find. By that I mean I had Big M take it to a trash dumpster out of here. B is also coming clean with some actions we heard about from others. Since the boys are fighting they are telling everything that each other is doing. It's wrong but we are cleaning house because of it.

Still Detoxing-Day 1

He's asleep. I have reached out to others with experience in this and other addictions. I think it might help me. I would rather run away. Just take off. with my sweet dog and leave all this crap behind. I'm so over taking care of everyone. M feels like crap. Sore, fever, vomiting, aching all over. I'm glad. I want him to be very sick, sicker than he's ever been. He ate a little food, not much for a 20 y.o. man, but a little. I hope with our love and support, he can beat this, without his destructive gf. she needs to stay away. The person who is giving advice says it will take at least 5 days. Day 3 being the worst of it. We'll see...

Day 1 Off of heroine

This is the first day M is getting off of h and being without his gf. He's been smoking daily at least 3 times. He woke up vomiting and is in denial of his addiction at this point. I am going to get him to a N/A meeting today. At this point, no treatment is being sought. We cannot afford it as I am laid off of my job.