WTF???

So I got home and right away the phone rings and there is a complaint about M and the gf and they've been at the condo in the clubhouse hanging around. They don't want them there and the police will be called if they stay there or go there again. Nice. Then when B is done with his drug class, he is slurring his speech. I know he's been using something. Then he is sleeping at dinner time, when I wake him up, he is very stoned, on something. I accuse him, he denies it. I accuse him, he denies it. Finally, he admits to using xanax, again. This is the reason he is expelled from school. I guess he didn't learn from that trouble, from the trouble last week on Monday, from having to go to indy school, from having to go to drug classes. He is a big fat liar. He said he wouldn't do it anymore. I don't even know if that is what he was on. It could be something else or a combo of things. I am so scared for these kids and very angry. I need some support. I need to be able to be calm again. This sucks. Today I have to cancel our trip to the beach because these kids are so rotten and don't deserve to go.

End, day 2

M is having a better attitude regarding his withdrawl symptoms. I ask if I can do anything and he says no, but he'll let me know. He decided to attend the N/A meeting. When he came out he said it was interesting. I'm glad he went. I'm encouraging him to go daily. He knew some people there. I don't think he saw the gf. He went to the school to play basketball. I want him to sweat out the toxins. He's really sore tonight. Day 3 is supposed to be the worst day, tomorrow. I am leaving for a few days. I was not going to go but I am going. Big brother and his gf are staying here with M and B. They should be able to handle it. He just needs to do the right thing. Don't we all?

Calming down

Day 2, in the afternoon. Things are calming down a little. M seems to be on the right path. He's sore, his legs mostly, but has a good attitude. I think he's ready to get rid of the devil that has gotten ahold of him and move on. We will go to N/A this afternoon. I've never been???

Day 2, already???

That was sarcasm... Anyway, M is aching, especially his legs. He is remorseful too, at the moment. I talked with him for a long time about the gf and how she is damaged and there is not anything he can do about it. Her mom did it and my son is not an expert. This relationship is only destined to bring him tons of heartache. He needs to concentrate on himself and getting cleaned up. I had an apptmt but couldn't go because I'm terrified to leave him alone. We will go to N/A tonight for the first time. I hope it can help him. He has lots of support if nothing else. He asked if it would make me happy to call her right away and break up. Maybe that was his way of saying he wants to break up with her? I told her I want him to clean up so he can make healthy decisions. He is so handsome and sweet, another girl won't be far behind. He doesn't see that yet.

Still Day 1????????????

This has been the longest day of my life. M left with the gf against our wishes. He says he did not use H. I'm not sure. He is still sick so that is a good sign. He did come home. He says he did smoke M. He can't sleep so far tonight. I understand that is a sympton of getting clean. He's starting to bug me. When I ask how he's doing he says, as good as can be expected. I'm tired of his poor-me attitude. He needs to take responsibility for his actions. He is acting like a child not a young man of 20 y.o. We'll see what the rest on tonight and tomorrow bring. I got rid of all illigal drup paraphenalia I could find. By that I mean I had Big M take it to a trash dumpster out of here. B is also coming clean with some actions we heard about from others. Since the boys are fighting they are telling everything that each other is doing. It's wrong but we are cleaning house because of it.

Still Detoxing-Day 1

He's asleep. I have reached out to others with experience in this and other addictions. I think it might help me. I would rather run away. Just take off. with my sweet dog and leave all this crap behind. I'm so over taking care of everyone. M feels like crap. Sore, fever, vomiting, aching all over. I'm glad. I want him to be very sick, sicker than he's ever been. He ate a little food, not much for a 20 y.o. man, but a little. I hope with our love and support, he can beat this, without his destructive gf. she needs to stay away. The person who is giving advice says it will take at least 5 days. Day 3 being the worst of it. We'll see...

Day 1 Off of heroine

This is the first day M is getting off of h and being without his gf. He's been smoking daily at least 3 times. He woke up vomiting and is in denial of his addiction at this point. I am going to get him to a N/A meeting today. At this point, no treatment is being sought. We cannot afford it as I am laid off of my job.